


Lost

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Despair, Fear, Loneliness, M/M, spoilery for mag186 sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27423505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Martin has trouble finding Jon in his domain.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	Lost

A couple minutes of standing alone in the gray drizzle and Martin realizes something might be _off_.His stomach squirms at the thought.Through every domain they’ve passed through, Jon has remained relatively unaffected.He’s been caught up in statements, lost in the words that have pushed their way out of him, sure, but this _feels_ different.

Why hasn’t Jon found him yet?

Martin tells himself it, whatever it is, doesn’t bother him.It probably has nothing to do with the fact he didn’t want to be with Jon in _his_ domain, and he can probably exert some sort of control here, however small, to make that true.Except, the fact is, it’s no longer true to what he wants, and his alone state hasn’t altered.

“Jon?”Martin calls out and receives no reply.He frowns, starts walking.Standing around won’t do any good.It would be best if he made his way to the end of his domain.Jon is probably already there waiting for him, with some comment about how Martin needed to go through this particular place on his own or something.

Martin could imagine that, imagine _Jon_ , and how they’d joke about it.Briefly, he lets his thoughts disappear into fantasy, of playful bantering like they aren’t in the middle of the apocalypse, like they’re any other newly minted couple still trying to get their footing.Martin knows it’s not real.He’s more than aware that, however this journey ends, the odds are against it being a ‘happily ever after’ type deal.He’s come to accept that.

At the same time, the universe, he reasons, owes him this much.It’s not _fair_ that he finally, _finally_ gets the opportunity to be with Jon and _this_ is the circumstance their relationship blossomed under.Martin deserves to have his fantasies, however unrealistic they’ll truly end up being, he thinks.

He sighs, sticks his hands in his pockets, and walks through the wet, dreary weather that’s honestly probably not actually real weather.

He comes to the border of his domain, and he doesn’t find Jon.

He stands there, alone, wondering why.

He waits.

Then, Martin begins to search, which is difficult.He’s not meant to find anyone here.No one is.That’s the point.To suffer in silence.For your pain to go unnoticed.You’re invisible, but keenly aware that someone, in all likeliness, _can_ see you, but just doesn’t care enough about you to help.

It makes sense, in a way, that its Avatar should be wandering around quietly trying to see whoever’s there.

Maybe it’s because Jon isn’t supposed to be there that Martin eventually finds him.The claim the Eye has on Jon distinguishes him from the domain’s prisoners, makes him _findable_.Maybe it’s because Martin _can_ know about the people in his domain, but he didn’t want to push the boundary of knowing too much until he made finding Jon his goal.

Regardless, Martin finds Jon.He’s mutters to himself, his words nearing incomprehensible.At first, Martin thinks Jon is intoning a statement.This being Martin’s domain wouldn’t change the fact that Jon needs to do a recording.

This one, Martin realizes as he listens, isn’t quite like Jon’s other statements.Not exactly.Perhaps it’s because of their location, but he understands more about it.About the lonely boy who always felt distant from everyone else, who told himself he didn’t need the connections of friendship others had and longed for them at the same time, who never was left wanting for companionship but could never quite bridge the large chasm between himself and everyone else either.

When Jon had gone to fulfill his duty to witness for the Eye, this particular domain’s Avatar hadn’t wanted him to See it out of his own shame.And Jon _had_ promised he wouldn’t Look without permission, so he’d refused to.

The only way to alleviate the pressure of the opposing forces had been to allow them access inward, to that tiny kernel of loneliness that may have led Jon to being a prisoner in such a place as this, if he hadn’t been chosen and claimed by a different Entity first.To allow them to feast on it.To ensnare him, unwittingly, in his own torment.

The Eye is patient.It knows its Archivist cannot be separate from it for long.It will allow him to fall in this trap, feed hungrily on the meal he provides, and then wait for him to return to his path.It knows he will.Eventually.Because, after all, he is never truly alone.It won’t let him be.

Martin refuses to let himself feel the familiar comfortableness of guilt.Instead, he takes Jon’s hand in his own, squeezes it, and then leads him away.Jon follows numbly.Martin knows he won’t be fully cognizant until they’re out of there.

It’s a weird feeling that sits in Martin’s chest.He _hates_ that the pain of the one he loves _feeds_ him.More than anything.Yet, at the same time, there is an odd comfort in it.A feeling of rightness he supposes is close to what Jon must feel like with the knowledge of everything in the world rushing into his head in unstoppable waves.Martin may not like it, but it’s part of what he’s been twisted into.

Perhaps he can help Jon better cope with his struggles now that he understands them more.

There’s another thing, too.A feeling Martin isn’t quite sure he can describe.An odd relief.Jon has been just as lonely as he has.He _understands_ that loneliness.They share it.Except, by being _together_ , they also vanquish it, because neither of them is truly alone (or lonely) anymore.

There is so much that _could_ consume them, but none of it will, because they have each other and they can alleviate their pain together.

Though, of course, that relies on the notion that they’ll always be able to be there for each other and, as the dark tower on the horizon grows ever bigger, their ability to be certain of that incrementally diminishes.


End file.
